Darkness and Rainbow

Hi, all!

It's now time to look back on my first week here:

Those who've read Harry Potter will be familiar with the concept of Dementors sucking happiness and warmth out of the air around you and leaving you feeling nothing but hopelessness and despair... like you can never be happy again... like nothing will ever be right again. To begin with, that was exactly how I felt.

I spent my first three mornings crying on the phone to my parents, begging them to allow me to come back home, to leave the pool of misery that I found myself in. A million worries clouded my tired mind... the pressure of fending for myself, the impending burden of studies, no reassuring familiar faces around... I had probably never felt worse. Thankfully, my parents did not take pity on me and relent. They (gently) reminded me why I was where I was and that I had put in all this hard work for a reason - for a better future. They made perfect sense. I had no choice but to trudge on.

There seemed to be a permanent chill in the air. Up on the 12th floor, the view from my room windows was to die for. But I had no desire to appreciate this gift. The beautiful green university campus looked up at me invitingly. But I felt no attraction to it. There was so much to explore, to learn, to see, to do. But my heart and head felt heavy... like I could burst into tears any moment. I somehow managed to get through the formalities, one by one... attending induction talks, accommodation talks, workshops, opening a bank account, an English Language Assessment Test and most importantly, registration.

My days would thankfully be spent in the company of my new friends, Abhilasha and Aparna. Evenings, it was just me and my loneliness.

On the fourth morning, I woke up with a thought in my head: I should take some photographs. Those who know me well know that I'm a travel photography freak. I take and take and take photographs tirelessly. Given my state of mind, I had refused to absorb my surroundings so far. So it was a slight improvement for me to want to take photographs. I, therefore, pulled out my camera from the drawer and stood by my window. The most amazing thing happened that very moment. There were grey clouds in the sky... and suddenly, straight ahead, was a giant rainbow!!!! I couldn't believe my eyes. A rainbow was precisely what I needed.


That evening, after a final crying session with Mamma (who rightly told me off this time), I made my mind up that I would be stronger. I would be as strong as I had already proven myself capable to be. I would do this right. I would do this.

The Campus Tour was a great idea to discover exactly how wonderful this campus was. The Colchester Town Tour was an even better idea... its such a cute and colourful town! It really upped my spirits.

I also had a rather nice and calming conversation with Anu Maushi, a close family friend of ours, who is in the UK visiting her son, Dr. Siddharth. But more on that in another post.

I also finally managed to get my Internet up and running and resumed to some extent my correspondence with "my" world and opened doors to my new world. This went a long, long way in bringing a semblance of normalcy to my life (and the speed here is wicked fast!!!).

Friday, I also had some opportunity to meet people, students and staff, from my own department. We also visited some classrooms and labs. This added somewhat to my sense of belonging. I even did my laundry that evening! The pieces of the jigsaw were slowly falling into place.

Life became even better that Saturday. My friends and I went grocery shopping at Tesco supermarket. I took comfort from the fact that this place had pretty much all that I needed to sustain myself here. Then, we had a great time at the Freshers' Fair where I signed up for the Travel Society, Computer Society, French Connection Society and the Film Society. We went to Colchester that evening to meet Vinaya, a friend of Aparna's, who took us to another giant supermarket, Asda, where we shopped some more and saved a whole lot.

Sunday dawned on us with typically British weather... rainy and gloomy. We had lofty plans of going to London to acquaint ourselves with the place and also help Aparna buy a laptop. But alas, that was not to be... We improvised and decided to go to somewhere closer by, Tollgate, which also had places to buy electronics from, such as PC World and Curry's. That turned out to be an accurate decision. Not only did Aparna get her laptop, but I got my printer as well. The rain faded by the time we headed home. The trip turned out to be a great bonding experience and its only gotten better for us since then.

Thus ended my first week here. Lots of tears. Lots of new experiences. But more importantly, lots of new beginnings.